Why You Ghost People (And Why It Hurts So Bad)

I’ll admit it: I have ghosted people before. Not to be cruel, but because I did not know how to deal with the emotions I was feeling. There was one time I ghosted a friend who, honestly, treated me so well it scared me a little. They were kind, consistent, always checked in… and instead of feeling safe, I felt overwhelmed.

Why? I do not even know exactly. Maybe I was not used to someone being so emotionally available. Maybe I was not ready to receive that kind of connection. So I stopped replying. One message left on “read” became five. Then ten. And soon it had been weeks.

At first, it felt like relief like i had escaped a conversation I did not know how to handle. But soon, that relief turned into something heavier. Guilt. Sadness. Even confusion about myself. Why did I push them away when they were just being good to me?

So one night, I messaged them. Something short. “Hey. I know I disappeared. I am sorry.”

They replied kindly, of course. But something had shifted. The warmth was different. More distant. And somehow, that felt worse. Because I realized I had not just ghosted a chat, I had ghosted a connection. And when I reached back, it did not feel like home anymore.

That moment taught me something big: ghosting protects you in the short term, but it costs you in the long run.

Psychologically, ghosting comes from avoidance behaviour, it’s what we do when confronting our own feelings feels harder than silence. And when someone ghosts you, it triggers something called the “Zeigarnik effect”, your brain hates unfinished stories. You’re left in an emotional cliffhanger that hurts way more than a simple goodbye ever would.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

• Ghosting someone who’s good to you doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means you’re still learning how to handle emotional closeness.

• Reaching back out takes courage even if it doesn’t fix things, it matters.

• If you’ve been ghosted, remember: sometimes people disappear because they’re overwhelmed, not because you weren’t worth it.

We are all still figuring out how to be honest with others and with ourselves. So next time you feel like ghosting someone… pause. Think. Maybe say, “I need space right now, but it’s not about you.” That tiny moment of honesty might save a beautiful connection or at least leave it with dignity.

Because silence might feel safe. But kindness? That stays.